Temporary Delight

I can rest my hands on your chest
Enjoying the melody of your heartbeat
You can make our fingers dance
As we both stare into the distance
Laying there
You play with my hair
As I watch the sun peak through your blinds
You can watch me dress
Begging me to stay
I could kiss you goodbye
Make false promises
If you knew …
Would you stop being there when I needed you ?
When you realize …
How I only invite you over when I want you
How I only let you touch me when I want you to
How I break you and put you back together again when I need you
Would you want me then
Want me around still
If I opened up more
Showed you my flaws
Blisters and all
And still never gave a fuck

For the Love of Kings

I am a hypocrite
Someone conditioned to hate who I am
Why is it I rather belong to the man lighter than my daddy
When I know I deserve a king
But I’m afraid a man
One of my color
Will refuse me
I’m afraid they don’t see the love I can give
Just how loyal I can be
I feel they don’t see how kind I am
Because I’ve been made to seem weak
Needy
Disrespectful and angry
That is not who I am
I am strong
Independent
And educated
If that is wrong
If that is why a man
One who looks like me
Can not love me
Then that is fine
I have gotten to the point
Were I have accepted not being accepted

Alone

I’ll never understand
How you can give your all to one person
Live your life for one person
And still end up alone

Girls Like Girls

This past year I have been more honest about my sexuality. Trying to embrace the side of me I was ashamed of. Trying to be part of a group who I have ignored. A group I hope would embrace me. I have never regretted anything, but lately I have been feeling like there are some parts of me I should keep to myself. Seems like no matter what, I am being judged. Being gay can seem like a dirty thing in most folk’s eye. Being bisexual disgusting. To some people i’m just confused or looking for attention. “You’re either gay or you’re not”. No… that isn’t true. I’m, me. I am attracted to both males and females. I’m proud to say im bisexual. I am not confused and I have spent years battling myself. I refuse to battle you. If I am in a relationship I am faithful to that person. I’m not trying to get attention. I love women! I am not a fantasy. I am a person. I love being bisexual and being part of the LGBTQ community, as a queer POC I feel it’s important to embrace all sides of me. And more importantly, for me to be able to do it openly. I don’t need anybody’s approval because at the end of the day im still bi… I’m still black… I’m still me. And for all my POCs going through the same. You are never alone.

Avoid and Accept

jeremy-bishop-120791-unsplashI can run
Avoid people
But they’ll camp outside my door
Anxiety will build
I need to to face my fears
What do they know ?
Speaking isn’t crippling
Interacting isn’t exhausting
It’s all in my head
That’s what they tell me
It’s unfortunate that the fear is very real

Lil Girl

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A girl will stay a girl until she learns
She does not know it all
She does not have all the answers
The world is tragic
It will tear you up
From the inside and out
You are but a small and forgotten thought
One person in a stack of million for change
Do grow up little girl
See things for how they are
But don’t worry little girl
There is light
There is happiness
And it’s never what you expect
It doesn’t present it’s self in obvious ways
Take responsibility for your own happiness
All will be fine little girl
Enjoy naiveté
The world can wait